just got my toefl result....scored 77 which is devastatingly
bad.....and all my plans for going to a consultancy and applying for
a universty totally screwed...up!!!
yesterday morning i got up at 7 o clock after sleeping till 4 o
clock studying for my external exam and as i got up i got a call
from one of my firends(kiran who got more thn me!! :-( ) that
scores of toefl are out and he was like how much did u get???
then lazily i went up to the computer started it and my bloody
computer took almost 15 min to start and get connected to the
net... and then as i saw the scores and i got totally disappointed
the immediate feeling was like "FUCK" i screwed it up again....
later, i went to college for the exam and i pretended that am not
disappointed... but actually i was sulking... which also made me
screw my ecternal exam( embedded system ) too....and moreover
when i went to the college i heard that one of my class mates who
also wrote toefl on the same day got 94 !!!(wow) but i was really
swearing at my self for not getting good marks and some times
even her for getting better marks....
all my plans got fucked up
i. i was thinking of going to a tour with my friends in december
after my externals ... which of course got fucked up!!!
ii. my brother who lives in us who had many expectations on me
and i fucked up all those expectations this hurts me more thn
iii. i did not tell the scores to my dad and as of now i don have
guts to face him perhaps i will tell him tomorrow or perhaps
iv. i wasn't able to live my fellow class mates expectations who
thought i would score better or may be they din have any
v. am totally fucked up and fucked up and fucked up!!!
i dunnoo wat's the problem...like i really studied and
practiced hard and i mean real hard for almost more than 6
weeks. even after writing the exam i thought i wrote pretty well
and by going according to my score my writing ability is pretty
bad , am i bad in writing??? guys please tell me.,.????
its like sometimes i think am a big loser and am just not able to
do any damn thing in this big world... may be am not so capable of
doing something perhaps anything.... may be am not good enough
as maheswari( remember who got 94 ) or kiran ( who got 92) or
chetan( who got 114)....or perhaps am not at all good .... shit life
why am i not good ....how am i gonna tell dad and mom about this...
they'll kill me if they hear my score...... am like feeling really
bad... it never happened like this..... last time when i felt this bad
was when i broke -up with my grl frnd.....
Fuck fuck fuck fuck....... and fuck!!!!!