Thursday, November 13, 2008

pretty much fucked up!!!

just got my toefl result....scored 77 which is devastatingly

bad.....and all my plans for going to a consultancy and applying for

a universty totally screwed...up!!!

yesterday morning i got up at 7 o clock after sleeping till 4 o

clock studying for my external exam and as i got up i got a call

from one of my firends(kiran who got more thn me!! :-( ) that

scores of toefl are out and he was like how much did u get???

then lazily i went up to the computer started it and my bloody

computer took almost 15 min to start and get connected to the

net... and then as i saw the scores and i got totally disappointed

the immediate feeling was like "FUCK" i screwed it up again....

later, i went to college for the exam and i pretended that am not

disappointed... but actually i was sulking... which also made me

screw my ecternal exam( embedded system ) too....and moreover

when i went to the college i heard that one of my class mates who

also wrote toefl on the same day got 94 !!!(wow) but i was really

swearing at my self for not getting good marks and some times

even her for getting better marks....

all my plans got fucked up

i. i was thinking of going to a tour with my friends in december

after my externals ... which of course got fucked up!!!

ii. my brother who lives in us who had many expectations on me

and i fucked up all those expectations this hurts me more thn

anything...

iii. i did not tell the scores to my dad and as of now i don have

guts to face him perhaps i will tell him tomorrow or perhaps

today.....

iv. i wasn't able to live my fellow class mates expectations who

thought i would score better or may be they din have any

expectations....

v. am totally fucked up and fucked up and fucked up!!!

i dunnoo wat's the problem...like i really studied and

practiced hard and i mean real hard for almost more than 6

weeks. even after writing the exam i thought i wrote pretty well

and by going according to my score my writing ability is pretty

bad , am i bad in writing??? guys please tell me.,.????


its like sometimes i think am a big loser and am just not able to

do any damn thing in this big world... may be am not so capable of

doing something perhaps anything.... may be am not good enough

as maheswari( remember who got 94 ) or kiran ( who got 92) or

chetan( who got 114)....or perhaps am not at all good .... shit life

why am i not good ....how am i gonna tell dad and mom about this...

they'll kill me if they hear my score...... am like feeling really

bad... it never happened like this..... last time when i felt this bad

was when i broke -up with my grl frnd.....


Fuck fuck fuck fuck....... and fuck!!!!!

10 comments:

Nidhi said...

What has happened, sadly can't be changed now :(

But for now, you should really not think so hard and just go and tell your parents..

Sometimes, things do not go right despite working hard.. doesn't mean that all the other options get closed... Look around.. some other opportunity must be knocking on ur door...

All the best dear :)

vemuri said...

hmmm yeah i wil tell my parents... def'ly....


and i hope some oppurtunity is knocking my door...

Harshita said...

Get up,Take a deep breath and go shine once again!!

You are the best.

vemuri said...

yeah hope so....

abhishek said...

i've got 2 things to say to you...
1.you are not responsible for what others expect of you.
2.u can't compete with others, at the end of the day the competition is with you only. from the post, it seems that you gave your best and that is what counts.
as for ur writing its good...continue working on ur vacab as u must have as a part of prep for gre...try including them in ur writings.

Gaurav S said...

its ok buddy
something better is waiting for you
ur bro's presence in US not necessarily mean that u should also be there
go, see a sunrise ;) and start afresh
:D

Gaurav
http://gshanky.wordpress.com/

vemuri said...

hmmm thnx for ur support..abhishek


keep visiting......

Cheers!!!
Peace!!!

vemuri said...

@gaurav

hmmm i hope.... i can see the sun shine.....


do come back!!!


Cheerss!!!
Peace!!!!

peter said...

hey i dun see any problem wid ur writing its pretty okay ...vocab is the key ..improve it ...!!

and break a leg !

vemuri said...

hmmm i wish i woud.......

thnx for ur comment...
do come back...